If you were risking your life in the middle of the ocean, you’d want your shipmate to be a cheerful problem-solver. That’s me out of the running
Here are three of my favourite uses of figures of speech to describe the competence of footballers. Actually, there’s four, but one is too rude. Oh, to hell with it, I’ll share it anyway. It came from a caller on a post-match local radio phone-in and concerned a goalkeeper in an alarmingly lousy run of form. “He couldn’t keep a clean sheet on his honeymoon,” the caller said. If you don’t get it, probably best not to give it too much thought. Another one from a radio phone-in, related to me by the commentator and former athlete Steve Cram, was used to paint a vivid picture of an enthusiastic Sunderland full-back who did a lot of running with the ball without ever seeming to be fully in control of it. “He’s like a dog with a balloon,” wailed a despairing Sunderland fan.
The other two come from the same man, my late friend Jeff Farmer. A football reporter turned TV executive turned board director at the club I support, he was the kind of old-school Brummie I don’t come across so much any more. He had a good way with words. After being soundly beaten by a Blackburn Rovers team that featured in midfield an energetic, abrasive scouser called David Thompson, Jeff said to me: “That Thompson’s like a wasp in your car – an absolute effing nuisance.” But my favourite Jeffism is my favourite because it’s relevant in the real world as well as in football. Of one of our players coming back from injury, Jeff said: “He’s worth a few goals. OK, you wouldn’t want to row the Atlantic with him, but he’s a decent striker.”
Continue reading… If you were risking your life in the middle of the ocean, you’d want your shipmate to be a cheerful problem-solver. That’s me out of the runningHere are three of my favourite uses of figures of speech to describe the competence of footballers. Actually, there’s four, but one is too rude. Oh, to hell with it, I’ll share it anyway. It came from a caller on a post-match local radio phone-in and concerned a goalkeeper in an alarmingly lousy run of form. “He couldn’t keep a clean sheet on his honeymoon,” the caller said. If you don’t get it, probably best not to give it too much thought. Another one from a radio phone-in, related to me by the commentator and former athlete Steve Cram, was used to paint a vivid picture of an enthusiastic Sunderland full-back who did a lot of running with the ball without ever seeming to be fully in control of it. “He’s like a dog with a balloon,” wailed a despairing Sunderland fan.The other two come from the same man, my late friend Jeff Farmer. A football reporter turned TV executive turned board director at the club I support, he was the kind of old-school Brummie I don’t come across so much any more. He had a good way with words. After being soundly beaten by a Blackburn Rovers team that featured in midfield an energetic, abrasive scouser called David Thompson, Jeff said to me: “That Thompson’s like a wasp in your car – an absolute effing nuisance.” But my favourite Jeffism is my favourite because it’s relevant in the real world as well as in football. Of one of our players coming back from injury, Jeff said: “He’s worth a few goals. OK, you wouldn’t want to row the Atlantic with him, but he’s a decent striker.” Continue reading… Life and style, Football, Rowing
