‘Going off’ someone isn’t the same as realising they’re taking more than you want to give, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith
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My long-distance partner of nearly 10 years is moving in with me in the next few months. For most of this time it is what I thought I wanted, but the closer it gets, the more trepidation I have. I used to put up with behaviours from people that I didn’t really like, but kept relationships going for fear of what would happen if I ended them. I’m not that person any more.
I left my husband of 25 years a decade ago and have dropped many friends who I feel no longer give me what I need, who I was “people pleasing” – doing what they wanted to my detriment. I love my partner very much. He is a good, kind, caring man who adores me. But I’m so scared that suddenly I’ll “go off” him like I have other people and that I’ll be stuck living with someone I don’t want to be around. I know I sound dismissive of people. But I have cultivated my own space, my own understanding of my needs and wants. I eventually went off my husband. I don’t want to go off my partner too. How can I be at peace and not be scared of him moving in? It would be positive in so many ways.
Continue reading… ‘Going off’ someone isn’t the same as realising they’re taking more than you want to give, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-SmithRead more Leading questionsMy long-distance partner of nearly 10 years is moving in with me in the next few months. For most of this time it is what I thought I wanted, but the closer it gets, the more trepidation I have. I used to put up with behaviours from people that I didn’t really like, but kept relationships going for fear of what would happen if I ended them. I’m not that person any more.I left my husband of 25 years a decade ago and have dropped many friends who I feel no longer give me what I need, who I was “people pleasing” – doing what they wanted to my detriment. I love my partner very much. He is a good, kind, caring man who adores me. But I’m so scared that suddenly I’ll “go off” him like I have other people and that I’ll be stuck living with someone I don’t want to be around. I know I sound dismissive of people. But I have cultivated my own space, my own understanding of my needs and wants. I eventually went off my husband. I don’t want to go off my partner too. How can I be at peace and not be scared of him moving in? It would be positive in so many ways. Continue reading… Australian lifestyle, Relationships, Life and style
