It’s frustrating to put in a lot of effort and not get any back, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Before you say you’re done with gifts, perhaps share what they mean to you
Read more Leading questions
I have been with my partner for 13 years. When we first got together he was father to a two-year-old. His marriage had already broken down and the divorce was bitter. His daughter, who only stays every other weekend, is a beautiful girl. I love her very much. I always took time and care to help make her birthdays amazing. Going the extra mile to decorate the house, arranging parties and food and buying thoughtful presents … lots of them. When it is Father’s Day or her dad’s birthday, even when she was very little, I helped her make cards and token gifts for him, or reminded her to bring something on her next visit.
What upsets me is that she is 15 now. I’ve known her since she was two. I have never received a birthday gift, card, squiggle on a paper, or any acknowledgment at all that it’s my birthday. Obviously mostly because my partner didn’t feel it was worth the effort to remind her or encourage her. But now she is older, has a decent allowance, and is perfectly able to plan amazing gifts for her friends. Even so I’ve never received a thing beyond the message I got last year. I expect this year will be the same. If this happens I would like to sit both of them down and explain how hurt I’ve been by this, acknowledge her father’s part in not instigating anything when she was young, and state that I simply opt out of buying her gifts any more now that she is older, informed, and still can’t be bothered. Am I wrong?
Continue reading… It’s frustrating to put in a lot of effort and not get any back, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Before you say you’re done with gifts, perhaps share what they mean to youRead more Leading questionsI have been with my partner for 13 years. When we first got together he was father to a two-year-old. His marriage had already broken down and the divorce was bitter. His daughter, who only stays every other weekend, is a beautiful girl. I love her very much. I always took time and care to help make her birthdays amazing. Going the extra mile to decorate the house, arranging parties and food and buying thoughtful presents … lots of them. When it is Father’s Day or her dad’s birthday, even when she was very little, I helped her make cards and token gifts for him, or reminded her to bring something on her next visit.What upsets me is that she is 15 now. I’ve known her since she was two. I have never received a birthday gift, card, squiggle on a paper, or any acknowledgment at all that it’s my birthday. Obviously mostly because my partner didn’t feel it was worth the effort to remind her or encourage her. But now she is older, has a decent allowance, and is perfectly able to plan amazing gifts for her friends. Even so I’ve never received a thing beyond the message I got last year. I expect this year will be the same. If this happens I would like to sit both of them down and explain how hurt I’ve been by this, acknowledge her father’s part in not instigating anything when she was young, and state that I simply opt out of buying her gifts any more now that she is older, informed, and still can’t be bothered. Am I wrong? Continue reading… Family, Life and style, Parents and parenting, Divorce, Australian lifestyle
